darklygoddess

04:29 pm: Another day nothing new
So its been a while and everything still sucks. My grandmother hasnt been doing any better. doctors think it could be pyschological and thats why her blood pressure isnt decreasing any. I devote a lot of my time to be with her now. I decided that im going to take a course to be a phelbotomist with heather. they make pretty good money and im about sick of the job i have now. I've been spending time with my neighbor vanessa lately which is cool cus we were good childhood friends and we kinda stopped talking to each other, but i got her a job with me so its a good to spend time with her again. It's like nothing ever changes between me and her, we can stop talking for months then wen we see each other again its all the same. WE are very similar and i can talk to her about anything and everything :D its nice

ne ways thats enough for now

11:10 pm: Do you realize you have the most beautiful face
recently my grandmother started to get really ill. she just turned 83. she got a nose bleed in the middle of the night and it would not stop bleeding. we called this nurse hotline and they told us what to do then she started to cough up blood. well we took her to the doctors and they said she has really high blood pressure and she could have a stroke if it stays up. well things have been ok the last couple days, but she got worse and it happened again so we are taking her to the doctors in the morning. shes really stubborn and wont let ne doctors do tests on her. so we are going to call this doctor that she swears by he treated my grandfather wen he was alive. i seriously doubt this docotor is still around that was more then 10 years ago. i cant sleep i cant eat im just too dam worried. my grandmother is my life she raised me and if i lose her i wont know what to do. :(

12:43 am: Slipped away
I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad

I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

[Chorus]
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found
It won't be the same
Oh

Na na
Na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't ooooooooooooh
I hope you can hear me
Cause I remember it clearly

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by

Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back

[Chorus]X2

Na na
Na na na na na

I miss you


This song is so depressing, its exactley how im feeling right now tho. everyone says that a part of you will always love your first love, but is it normal that i still love my first love as much as i did before and its been a year since the last time we were together. I have been told many times before that i need to get over it, believe me i have tried:( I feel so patheitc that i still have feelings wen he obviously has moved on. I just really miss things im basing this all on memories. i have to face the facts things wil never be the same again.

01:17 am: lust is spilled upon the floor
Went to heathers last night havent been there in a while. was fun drinking with her mom i love her mom so much. well we discussed it and i may move in with them wen they find a 3 bedroom house. im pretty excited for the fact that i know if i did leave where i am now i will actually get out and make something of myself lol. ne who worked sucked today. yelled at some kid for stuffing candy in his mouth he stole.
I feel kinda bad right now for some reason i have been way too emotional and taking my feelings out on other people. seems like the littlest things people say hurt my feelings XD

I saw heather drunk for one of the first times ever last night. it sucked how depressed she got:( i really hope things look up for her. seems like shes having all the same problems im having. but we have each other so thats always good. ne ways i need sleep have to work tomarrow.

06:12 pm: Song i wrote
He waits outside her window
Till the sunlight dies
He waits in the darkness for his time to strike

She crawls into the comfort warmth of her own bed
Not knowing the man outside wants to wear her head

Just close your eyes sweet child
And fall fast asleep
Drift into the world of imagination
Try not to make a peep

He slides into her window
And slowly creeps nearer and nearer
He reaches the end of her bed

Just close your eyes sweet child
And fall fast asleep
Drift into the world of imagination
Try not to make a peep


What could his intensions be, for this innocent one?
He wants to make her see
That this is how he has fun

When the sun comes up
The girl is gone
Used as amusement, a simple pawn

01:25 pm: And so the broken record plays...
Ok well heres my first entry of rants. latley i have been concerned about people who were once close to me and how easily i can be forgotten. It's funny how well you think you can know somone and they can pull a total 180 on you for no reason at all. mabey they do have reason, due to life changes and what have you. I have been growing very distant with a person i thought would be there for me forever, but due to him venutring out into other htings he stopped communicating as much:( it hurts to lose people you were once close with. I lost faith in people. i feel horrible for saying it, but i can picture losing touch with everyone i talk to now dispite what they say. My life at the moment needs a lot of work. im really disappointed in myself that i let my life turn out like it has. I have soo many goals in life and good ideas yet due to lazyness i never achieve them. my sloth liek patterns got the best of me by far. come to think of it my life stlye wasnt all that inpressive before i moved here either, i basically stayed out all night with friends, drank, and what not. but now it seems i am always at home doing the same things everyday as if its a routine. I started writing a book in high school and its actually really really good, i never finished it unfortunatley. one of my short term goals is to finih it and try to get it published. ne who im done now